I’ve been called a lot of things over the years as a regular on ABC’s Good Morning America, but fat shamer is a new one.
It felt odd to be called that, seeing as I spent most of my life as a very fat girl, always battling my weight without any success.
Yet that’s what happened Tuesday after I did a segment on GMA with anchor Robin Roberts to promote the publication of my new book, Shift for Good.
To show viewers that they have the power to change, at my request we aired a photo of me on GMA before I lost more than 80 pounds.
When I saw the old photo—my puffy face, double (or triple chin) and tent-like top that was too tight in spots, I spontaneously blurted out, “Oh my gosh, how did you allow me on television? Seriously!”
“Oh come on, Tory,” Robin graciously replied. “We never saw that. We only saw your beauty and compassion. This [losing weight] was something you wanted to do.”
She’s right: my bosses hired an obese woman and they never once blocked me from appearing on-air.
Within minutes after the segment aired, I received hundreds of emails, tweets and posts congratulating me on Shift for Good.
But it was the dozens of comments from women calling me a “fat shamer” that caught my attention the most. Had I suddenly become akin to an ex-smoker, someone who looks at people who still puff away with disgust, now that I’d lost weight?
“Tell me I didn’t hear Tory ask Robin, ‘How did you allow me to be on TV’ after her before weight loss pic was shown?” asked a woman named Sarah.
“I agree, why did Tory say that?” another writer responded. “It was hurtful to hear her say she wasn’t worthy to be on TV because of her weight!”
“I never thought I’d hear Tory fat shaming,” a third woman posted.
I’m not a fat shamer. Never have been. Never will be.
I personally know the pain that overweight women feel, the condescending glares we get on the street and in restaurants – pretty much everywhere – the looks that say: why can’t you just control yourself?
So why did I say what I did to Robin? For starters, I looked at that photo and saw a girl who was miserable and uncomfortable in her own skin. I had flashbacks to hating how I looked a
nd feeling incapable of changing. That photo reminded me of an insecure person whose eating was out-of-control.
As I write in Shift for Good, while other young teenage girls went to swim parties in my native Miami Beach, I stayed home, horrified at the thought that anyone would see me in a swimsuit, let alone ever catch a glimpse of my bare thunder thighs.
When I married at age 22, I wore a blue suit because I knew if I wore a white wedding dress I’d look like a giant marshmallow or a female Michelin Man. For years after my wedding – nearly two decades – I found excuses why Peter and I couldn’t attend black tie affairs or informal parties – all because I was terrified of the how could you let yourself go stares from the fit women in their sleeveless dresses.
Trust me, if anyone has suffered the scorching heat of fat shaming, I have.
I’m very grateful that my bosses at ABC News never judged me. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t judge myself. All of us have to be comfortable in how we see ourselves. I can’t apologize for seeing my old self in a negative light, as I was trapped in a body I desperately wanted to change.
When I told my daughter Emma about some of the negative email I received, her response was simple: “Mark them spam, Mom.”
I don’t view the women who took issue with what I said as haters. I understand how they could come away from my comment feeling the way they did. It’s a sensitive subject that’s highly charged. But don’t ever mistake me for a fat shamer.
I was judging myself, not others. I believe strongly that each of us has the right to decide how we look and feel our best—and the rest of us should respect that.
Hi Tory,
I didn’t notice the comment yesterday. I’ve read your first book and I’m very happy for your success and how great you look and feel. I did feel though, reading your story, that you were very much “fat-shamed” by the ABC exec. You admitted that you left the meeting that day knowing full-well your employment was in jeopardy. I do, however wish you continued success.
Tori,
I too held myself back from many events over the years because of the insecurity I felt because of my weight, I find it odd that anyone would be upset by your reaction. I am thrilled for you and your success. We are often our own worst critics….I know I was. It took me till I was 50 to finally find my confidence!! God bless you and thank you for sharing your journey!!
I’m sorry this happened. I totally relate to pretty much everything you stated here. It is difficult to always be in the “public eye,” and try to maintain some sort of perfection that meets “everybody’s” standards. How is that humanly possible? It’s not. And, you are someone I have looked up to for years. I have actually written to you and Robin Roberts a couple of times over the years because I wanted so badly to speak with both of you. Anyway, Tory,Keep up what you are doing and remain true to who you are. You are beautiful. <3
I too read your book hoping for an aha moment. I was shocked to read about the exec who fat shamed you. I get why you allowed it, but happy that you found a happier you. I do not agree with the way you chose to “shift”, and feel it is unhealthy. I do feel that your comments about yourself were also fast shaming, just because it was yourself does not make it any less. What about that 14 year old girl looking at her plump figure and dismissing dreams of journalism? You just made her feel like crap. Anyway, my 2 cents.
I believe that any budding journalist will be trained and encouraged to check all of the facts, which includes looking at the context of a situation and the overall picture. The overall picture is that Tory loves people, and she has encouraged thousands of people by sharing her journey. This newest book is no exception. Congratulations on this new book, on your past books, and on all your accomplishments, Tory.
Don’t apologize for how you feel. It is so hard to lose weight, and we can’t help but react. Be proud of yourself, and ignore those who want what you have, but haven’t found the motivation to accomplish it!
I noticed the comment, and my only thought was, yep, I get that. Like looking at a group picture of my friends and all I notice is, I’m the fat girl in the shot. Not noticing the love of my friends that shows in the picture, just that I am embarrassed to be the fat girl, again. Tory had a spontaneous reaction, and Robin’s response was sincere. Tory is smart enough to know, thin doesn’t mean happy, just as money doesn’t, so she’s not shaming. She is honest about this struggle, a lay person whose life experience gives her an expertise no “professional” can offer, and that is what drew me to The Shift. So take what you want and leave the rest behind. I’ve lived the same life and am relieved to find someone willing to step up and shiw the I ntense personal side. Thanks Tory for continuing to demontsrate the emotional effect of this struggle, whether it’s OK or not.
Tori,
Like you I am my own worst critic. What you said was a reflection of your photo and you would never say the same comment about anyone else. I did the same recently when looking at photos of myself. The same thought crossed my mind ” I looked huge.”. Closing in on a large weight loss goal I still find unkind thoughts of myself in my own mind!
We all have opinions but the Internet has made it easy to attack someone and take a comment out of context. I only hope that you do mark them as spam. Sitting behind a computer screen gives people this sense of power over others and they do not hesitate to judge hashly and quickly. Good news this attention will die.
I am commenting only because I was quoted in the article regarding “fat shaming”. I did say “It was hurtful to hear her say she wasn’t worthy to be on TV because of her weight”. I did not, nor would I ever suggest that you were “fat shaming”. A term I have never ever used. It was merely meant as a reminder of how we as women are judgemental of ourselves. I first read an article from Good Housekeeping Magazine in 2013 and was so impressed with your journey that I recommended and spoke numerous times about your book to my Weight Watcher members. I used your quotes, “preference not priority” and many others. I was the fat child who was bullied and found solace in food, I’ve lived the experience of being an overweight child, teen and adult. Thirty years ago I found my way back to Weight Watchers for the accountability and support and finally on my 7th attempt I removed 53 pounds and discovered that my coping skill is food. I’ve been leading Weight Watcher meetings for 28 years and encourage my members to live a healthy lifestyle using many of the same skills you use each day. Seeing you’ve written a new book including information about mindfulness meditation was exciting to me, with a plan to read it and encourage the 90 members in my meetings to do the same. It was hurtful to me to be described as “jealous” and other negative terms when I merely made an observation. Words are powerful, they affect our attitude and our belief system. I hope that I corrected any misconceptions about the comment that I made and was used in your posting. I wish you continued success and will recommend your newest book to my fellow WW members.